You're so nebulous sometimes
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
