I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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