so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
