PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
