he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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