I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
