Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
