my phone needs a breathalizer
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
