3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
