I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
vagina is talking i cant
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
