My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
