This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
