watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
