fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
