she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
