I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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