wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
