i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
