you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
