I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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