turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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