Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
