If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
