So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
50% drunk capacity currently
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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