My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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