i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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