Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
