Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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