I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
