you would pick up someone in the library
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
