I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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