i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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