I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
