this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
