I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
