Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
