Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
