you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
