I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
