Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I supernannyed him into submission
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
