Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
