In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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