Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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