her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
