So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
