and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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