Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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