just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
