After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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