I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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