her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
