you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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