is your mom at the bar?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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