omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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