come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
