She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
