reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
