never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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