haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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