I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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