I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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