Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
