Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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