I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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