My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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