So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
