One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's rum buckets o'clock
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
