ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
