just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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