He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
