You can't motorboat a personality
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
