Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
