First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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