Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
