I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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