I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize