he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
