if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
