Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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